The Rise and Fall of Pegvlog

This is a response to a friend's post that can be read here. Riccy covered a number of reasons as to why PegVlog stopped being an active channel, and most of them are quite valid, but I feel that he missed a number that I will address here.

I used to be part of a vlogging channel on YouTube called PegVlog. It was a collaborative channel of a bunch of High School friends trying to stay in contact with one another after graduation.
What started off as a fun and creative project slowly started to fall apart before our eyes.

Issues from Conception
PegVlog was almost set up for fail from the very beginning of it's creation. They first video that was posted on the channel announced how the channel would run and was filmed at a party.
The issue was a portion of the group had been aware of the project for months and been planning it. When it started to be created a few more people wanted to take part immediately. This led to a lack of communication about what the expectations associated with the channel would be. By the time we were uploading our vlogs people felt too awkward to tell people what they were actually supposed to be doing.

The Leaving of the First Member
Initially everyone was quite consistent with uploading. They were on time and regular. Where they great? Nope, not even close. But they were what the project was asking for.
However early on one member realized that between school and work the requirements were overwhelming and she decided after some discussion that she would leave the project.
This became an issue because after suggesting that she leave due to failure to upload on time, it put pressure for these rules to be enforced even more so.

Antagonizing a Member
I'm not going to pretend it wasn't me. I became the "Nazi" of the group because I felt that the only real rule we had for the project was important to enforce. I became the unofficial PegVlog "leader" and people started to resent me for my policing of uploads.
Uploads became infrequent by certain members and I felt the need to upload our promise of weekly content.
It became clear that I viewed PegVlog as much more of a commitment than others did.

I had never wanted to be the "leader" (I say "leader" because I had no real control and my pressuring for uploads rarely proved fruitful) but I seemingly became one, which resulted in me having duties that I had no desire to fulfill (i.e. telling someone who wanted to join PegVlog that they were not a logical member since they didn't know half the group).

Vlogging Development 
Just like everything in life, when you get a group of people to start something new they will all develop at different rates. Some of our group proved to be quite competent vloggers where as others struggled to advance from early videos. This led to an imbalance in the group and the desire for people to pursue channels and upload content outside of PegVlog.
I know I personally had planned my leaving of PegVlog from about Halloween of second year, deciding to switch to my personal channel in the coming new year.

I don't think PegVlog was a failure. There was a lot to learn from the project as a whole and it proved to be a lot of fun (or at least I thought it was). It also allowed me to discover my love of vlogging (I really miss it and keep intending to upload videos, but I always end up putting it off).
There were many reasons why PegVlog died, and these are only a few of the ones I find the most important causes. There was also a great deal of unrealistic expectations associated with viewership and fellow PegVloggers occasionally turning against each other based on uploaded content.

In short, PegVlog was a thing, and now it's not, but it was fun while it lasted.

Go watch this video, kthxbye

Infinity and Oblivion: A Dichotomy Diverging Into One

Prepare yourself. I'm about to go all rambley, philosophically, existential on you.

The other day I was rather cynical as I sat at work fuming about how it was open mic night (again) and how it was filled with mediocre at best -and usually much much worse, singers.
One that that for whatever reason I found particularly annoying that evening was how seriously these different musicians took themselves.
The requirement to perform was that the songs had to be original, so covers weren't allowed, and for whatever reason this would prompt long intros to each song about the "inspiration" behind the song. And I was sitting at my desk working and thinking, no one cares!
I mean, in a different environment, sure, someone may care, but at open mic night? Nope.
The audience at open mic night isn't so much an audience as much as a bunch of musicians all waiting impatiently for their turn to perform. They don't care about what the people performing before them are doing, much less a five minute speech about their creative process.
These people come to open mic night, are the self inflicted captive audience all waiting for their turn to sing into a void of nothingness with the belief that they're important and that people actually care.

Am I being too negative? Probably, but I was grumpy from having to listen to some guy sing that literally sounded like a cat protesting to being given a bath -no jokes.

I was thinking of this nothingless void, of where things and energy goes when no one is there to appreciate it. Of oblivion.
This led me to think of the opposite of oblivion, of infinity, and specifically how the two relate with life.

The idea of oblivion terrifies me, that after death there is nothing, I don't like that idea, I don't personally accept that idea, but it's one of those ideas that creeps into your head in the middle of the night.

I then started to think about immortality, which reminded me of this short story I read in high school.
What if we were all immortal, if everyone had all the time in the world to do everything.
The story suggested that there would be two groups of people in the world:

1. The group that wants to do everything and since you have all the time in the world, you do everything.
2. The group that does nothing, because if you have all the time in the world you can always do it later.

I thought about this story a lot, and it started to scare me. What group would I be in? There is so many things I want to do in life, and I do always fear that I won't be able to do everything. I want to travel the world, learn to dance, do a martial art, learn new languages, be a published writer, climb a mountain, and the list goes on.
But I think about how what often pushes me to do some of these things, is knowing that I may not get another chance to do it again. That splurging on experiences often stems from the fear of it being a once in a lifetime opportunity.
But if nothing is a once in a lifetime opportunity there isn't the pressure to do things, there isn't that driving force that keeps people going. Would I be able to self motivate myself with that? I struggle to self motivate enough as it stands sometimes.
Would I be part of the lazy group that does nothing because you can always do it later?
I don't want to be, but would I?

Two things:

Infinity and oblivion.

So drastically different- 

They are the opposite. 

And yet, 

They come together while moving

Apart as they are alike.

A distopic reality of nothing.

Frustrated

I'm frustrated with myself.
I want to do things that I enjoy, but when I get the chance to do them, I don't.
What's wrong with me?
Kthxbye