Like a Piece of Metal Falling From the Sky

I am 23 years old and currently in University working on an education degree. I live at home with my family because it was what was affordable and made sense. I have worked my way through University and never had to borrow money from my parents or take out student loans. I am lucky that this has been an option and that I live in a country where post secondary education is affordable. That being said, in the past year I have discovered two things:

1. The career I am currently pursing, the degree I am currently working on, and what my entire academic life has primarily revolved around makes me unhappy and I dislike it but I don’t know what I would rather do so I’m stuck.
2. My parents terrify me.

Number 1 and Number 2 are very closely related. My parents (particularly my mom) constantly tell me that I do not need to be perfect, that I should not stress about the future, that it is okay to make mistakes. Until I make a mistake.

I have two sets of parents it seems. One set that is wonderful and supportive and the other that freaks out when I’m struggling and blames me for not trying harder, not doing better, not being more. As a result I dislike interacting with my parents on more than a superficial level and when I need to "rock the boat" it terrifies me.

Recently I confessed that I was confused about my current career direction and that perhaps I want to pursue something very different. This was a very difficult confession for me to make because I was terrified of my parents' response and I would not be able to answer the questions I knew I would inevitably be asked.

"If not this, what?"

"What made you change your mind?"

"Are you finishing your degree?"

I broke down one day and confessed what had been bothering me; my mom's response was as I expected, less than comforting. Initially she tried to calm me down, but that quickly turned into an attack. Asking the questions I didn't have answers to and accusing me of "deciding children were the spawn of the devil".

Things have simmered but are not resolved.

When most people discover that what they wanted to be when they grow up isn't what they actually want, they move on and pursue something else that interests them and gives them career satisfaction.

I in contrast have mapped out the next four years and panicked because I feel that it is too late to make a decision of this magnitude, that I've made my bed and now I need to lay in it. This is absurd and I recognize that it is absurd, but I believe it goes back to the amount of pressure that my parents put on me to never make a misstep.

This isn't just something I experience, I can see it in my sisters as well. My youngest sister is at the point where she has a mental breakdown when she gets less than a 100% on a test and begs teachers to let her retake tests because she got a single question wrong. My parents have the three of us so tightly strung that it is only a matter of time before the strings break.

If not this, what?