- The career I am currently pursing, the degree I am currently working on, and what my entire academic life has primarily revolved around makes me unhappy and I dislike it but I don’t know what I would rather do so I’m stuck.
- My parents terrify me.
I have two sets of parents it seems. One set that is wonderful and supportive and the other that freaks out when I’m struggling and blames me for not trying harder, not doing better, not being more. As a result I dislike interacting with my parents on more than a superficial level and when I need to "rock the boat" it terrifies me.
Recently I confessed that I was confused about my current career direction and that perhaps I want to pursue something very different. This was a very difficult confession for me to make because I was terrified of my parents' response and I would not be able to answer the questions I knew I would inevitably be asked.
"If not this, what?"
"What made you change your mind?"
"Are you finishing your degree?"
I broke down one day and confessed what had been bothering me; my mom's response was as I expected, less than comforting. Initially she tried to calm me down, but that quickly turned into an attack. Asking the questions I didn't have answers to and accusing me of "deciding children were the spawn of the devil".
Things have simmered but are not resolved.
When most people discover that what they wanted to be when they grow up isn't what they actually want, they move on and pursue something else that interests them and gives them career satisfaction.
I in contrast have mapped out the next four years and panicked because I feel that it is too late to make a decision of this magnitude, that I've made my bed and now I need to lay in it. This is absurd and I recognize that it is absurd, but I believe it goes back to the amount of pressure that my parents put on me to never make a misstep.
This isn't just something I experience, I can see it in my sisters as well. My youngest sister is at the point where she has a mental breakdown when she gets less than a 100% on a test and begs teachers to let her retake tests because she got a single question wrong. My parents have the three of us so tightly strung that it is only a matter of time before the strings break.
If not this, what?
I switched plans 3 times now. And Even though I'm going to finish to become a broadcaster, I'm still sitting on the same level of uncertainty as I've ever had. It's the nature of trying to find your way in the world I think.
ReplyDeleteAs for your parents, I'm sorry they're so rigid. I understand from my parents that parents just want their children to succeed, though some definitely seem to go overboard. For example, my sister was one semester away from a degree , then quit. My mom still never lets that go. So though I hate to say it, if you quit what you're doing, this situation may happen to you. But if it's worth it, it's worth it.
At the end of the day, the Enzo Principle applies: It's your life. Yes, your parents helped you get this far. But what happens in your life is your decisions. They play powerful influences, but you're ultimately in control, even if it doesn't feel that way. (I mean, you're living with them still so that's definitely a huge factor. And if you're financially dependant on them, you're double whammied. If You wanna play on your terms, you gotta build up your independence. Or leverage.)
There's no reason you shouldn't be able to quit if this path is wrong. But such a grand change will come with equal sacrifice. Perhaps maybe taking a year off school is an option? If not, I just wish you all the best luck in your situation!
:( sorry you're feeling unhappy right now. We should get together some time if your schedule isn't packed from morning til night, have some beers, paint our nails or something. Unwind, y'know.
ReplyDeleteEven though it probably won't make you feel better, try to remember that your parents care about you and are probably being scared /with/ you but aren't handling it in a productive or supportive way. So even though they're making you feel bad they do actually love you, is the takeaway? Like I said, probably not that helpful but maybe a silver lining at least.
As for the actual problem, well.. if you genuinely hate teaching already, why waste another year, and tons of money? And then get a job and probably have a nervous breakdown a year in and THEN switch careers. You do have a bachelor's degree, and while I haven't done the research myself, people say there are many careers you can do with an english degree. I'm sure if you do a google search (and you've probably already done this) you can get some ideas of where you could go from here.
I would probably suggest at least taking a year off, maybe work full time somewhere if you can, and move out. It'll take the weight of your parents off your shoulders at least a little and you can think about what you want to do next. You might be scared of getting stuck in that job, but you'll only be stuck if you let yourself be.
As far as what kind of jobs, if you think about what kind of company (or maybe a non-profit?) you'd like to be involved with, write letters, knock on doors, that kind of thing even if they aren't advertising hiring, I'm sure you'll find something even if it takes a while. I actually got a great book called Persuasion about how to convince people you're right for a job even if you don't have the specified qualifications, if you want to borrow it I'd be happy to lend it to you. It really changed the way I think about trying to persuade people of things.
Anyway, long comment over. Shoot me a text if you ever want to talk!